Languid Lists

I like to make lists. The act of writing down the tasks I should perform makes me feel like I am getting something done. There! It's all spelled out; the chores are enumerated (though I seldom go beyond number ten) and I feel a small surge of ambition. Then the phone rings, or I get hungry and wander into the kitchen, or spot the book I've been reading and pick it up, and the list is forgotten and gradually melts into the pile of papers on the desk (task #3 was "CLEAN UP PILE OF PAPERS ON DESK"), and I forget about it. But it did feel so good to take that first step.

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I also like to self-diagnose my seemingly chronic condition of unaccomplishment. Could it be A.D.D. (Artists Don't Dust)? Or A.D.H.D. (Artists Dislike Handling Dirt)? Maybe it's G.E.R.D. (Geniuses Enjoy Rampant Disorder). I prefer not to think it's L.G.F.N.A

Sometimes one or two of the chores on the list keep knocking around in my head, even after the paper has disappeared. Right now the persistent unpleasantry is to WRITE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS LETTER. We don't even observe Christmas! Why do I have to write a goddamned Christmas letter? The answer is...Because my relatives send me their letters, I do love many of my relatives, so I have to send them my letter. I should be writing it right now. But you see what I AM doing; I'm posting on my blog. That is much easier. I don't have to try to sort through the past year of boring inactivity, trying to make things sound more interesting than they are.

Hmmmm...I think one of the things on some list, somewhere, is: EAT ALL THE CHOCOLATE YOU WANT! Hey, I can do that! Bye!

Okay, I admit that I fibbed in the "labels for this post." It probably won't have anything to do with lust or chocolate. It was just a lame attempt to attract someone's attention.

I want to talk about dreams (not "aspirations," but nighttime-while-you're-sleeping dreams). Do you ever wake up from a bizarre, exciting, crazy, way-out-there dream and wonder, where the hell did that come from? Once I dreamed that I was in my kitchen and heard some strange sounds coming from the oven. I opened the oven drawer and saw several tiny, evil-looking devils dancing around on a cookie sheet, laughing maniacally. I screamed, slammed the door shut and turned the broiler on high. The laughter turned quickly into agonized shrieks. I looked through the glass on the oven door and saw the nasty critters melting away. Now, wouldn't you be scratching your head and wondering how you could have come up with that? I'll bet you could think of a dream you've had that may match it, though. The trouble is, we usually don't remember our dreams very clearly. What I would really like to do is find some way to tap into that perverted part of my brain and let those crazy dream plots unfold while I'm awake! Then I could devise some short stories that would be much more interesting than the boring twaddle I usually come up with. So...any ideas about how to do that?