Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Don't be afraid, dear readers. You don't really believe in vampires and werewolves, do you? Of course not! So how can an innocent little Halloween story hurt you? Hmmmm?

Rebel Without a Curse

"It's getting late, son. Drink your dinner."
"But Mom! I don't like blood!"

"What? That's blasphemy! Vlad! Did you hear what your son just said? I swear, this child will be the un-death of me!"

"I'm sorry, Mom. But really - it's so slimy and salty. And it stains my teeth red. All the other un-dead kids make fun of me. Even the werewolf pups! They're always saying things like, 'You suck!' And they show up every day with pieces of human flesh stuck in their teeth!"

"Oh, my poor baby! Young monsters can be so cruel. Next time, you just tell them that 'Stakes of wood can break my mood, but taunts can never kill me.' Or something like that. Improvise! You're 200 years old and those werewolves have only been around since the 1890's. And they only come out when there's a full moon, so they're loony! Ha-ha! Get it? Moon? Looney?"

"Mom, puh-leeze! But seriously, do you think we could vary the menu a little? Maybe add something to the blood to make it solid? I've heard of something the Krauts eat...it's called blood sausage. How about that?"

"Vlad! Get out of that coffin and help me talk some sense into our little batling."

"Okay! Okay! I'm coming. Hey...wait a minute...are you sure this kid is mine? I don't have a mustache! Or black hair! He looks just like...OH MY LUCIFER! It's SON OF GOMEZ!"


Randal Graves said...

Better than Son of Uncle Fester!

Connor said...

Hey there! Glad to see you're still around!

Absolutely*Kate said...

Oh Mom ... Oh Z ... you got such a tableside manner it didn't matter that I was grossed out at how bloody good this spilled out.

SFX: (snapping fingers) < Reader-fans are drifting into doing theme songs.

~ Absolutely*Kate

Crybbe666 said...

Hilarious. A thanks to Harry for pointing me in the direction of this piece. Even my teenage boy got a giggle out of this!!!

Utah Savage said...

Good to see you're in fine form. I've missed you. I know, it's all my fault, but still that doesn't lessen the missing, now does it?