Thursday, April 14, 2011

Stick 'em up!


There have been several holdups in Lancaster in the last few months. I often wonder how I would respond if a man shoved a gun in my ribs and told me to hand over my wallet. Being more disposed to discussion than violence, I'm pretty sure I would try to talk him out of it. I would explain to him the error of his ways. I would convince him to reconsider, to go back to school, to get a job, to go off drugs and eat right and exercise. He would then thank me, and with tears in his eyes, he would wave goodbye and go off to start his new life. Either that, or he'd pistol whip me, grab my wallet and shoot me in the head, just to shut me up. An alternate approach I have considered would be to tell him that I am a voodoo priestess, and if he harms me, I will come back from the dead and haunt him until his dying day. He'd probably still shoot me, but at least he'd feel a little uneasy about it. I could come up with some other ways to reason with the misguided fellow, but probably the wisest course of action would be to just hand him my goddamned wallet.

5 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Reason is rarely effective on hoodlums, Madam Z. I hope you would turn the tables on him with a bit of karate. And then pick up the gun and make him beg for his life.

Madam Z said...

GB, why didn't *I* think of that? I'm signing up for karate lessons TODAY! I would especially enjoy the part about making him beg for his life. I would feel like the dominant ape!

Harry said...

Always good to have alternate plans. Give him the wallet, we want you safe, then track him down!

Bill said...

Having lived through a real hold-up involving a bad guy with gun, the analogy is more violent rape with a dose of "I'm going to die". The logic of handing over one's valuables is there but it gets lost in the whiplash of whatever the bad guy is doing.

Jodi MacArthur said...

I like the voodoo priestess idea. But Harry's idea is prob best. What would we do without him?