Sunday, March 15, 2009

The Big "O"
My first "real" job (9 to 5, weekly paycheck, dictatorial boss) was at a K-Mart in Salt Lake City, back in the '70s. The bosses were all male and the underlings all female. I was full of feminist ideals that had no chance of being realized, and was always boiling with unexpressed rebellion. Since I was married at that time to the king of MCPs (that's Male Chauvinist Pigs, for all you ignorant youngun's out there), I had a double whammy of sexist suppression. My co-workers were an interesting mix of up-tight Mormons and would-be hippies. Even some of the Mormon ladies were longing to be free. I think I was the only California transplant in our little crowd, and my relatively liberal talk and mannerisms aroused suspicion in some and admiration in others. After a few months of employment, I had become friendly with 4 or 5 women and we would have lunch together almost every day.

We had a good time discussing how we detested our jobs, how frustrated we were with our lives guessed it...our sex lives. One day, the subject concerned the female orgasm, or lack thereof. Jill said, "I've never had an orgasm with my husband. If I don't do it myself, it just doesn't happen." Jan claimed that, "Oh, my husband is a wonderful lover. I come every time." We all looked at her, in surprise. I said, "Really?" She blushed. "Well, almost every time." Julie said, "Well, your husband probably knows something about foreplay. My husband's idea of foreplay is to let me look at his boner for a few seconds before jumping me." We all laughed. Then, sweet, slow, little Jeannie, who had been quiet until then, chimed in. "Some women don't even know what an organism is!" Somehow, we all managed to stifle our giggles and I resisted the urge to say something like, "I think most of us know that 'an organism' is a living being..." Instead, we all muttered things like, "Yeah, that's right, poor dears," and then it was time to go back to work.

Ten years later, I fell under the spell of Pan-man. His exquisite lovemaking made me realize that, until then, *I* had not known what an orgasm could be. He was an organism like no other.


Bill Stankus said...

Ok, all those who are speechless, raise your hands.

Actually, there's no secret to the female orgasm or to multiple orgasms (aside of the artificially produced versions).

Very simply, the guy just thinks about her and not himself.

Class dismissed, now go practice.

Madam Z said...

Bill, you should hit the lecture circuit. Your speeches would leave the men speechless and the women cheering.

Lisa said...

Sign me up as a fan of Bill.

I remember working with a group of women in their late 40s - mid 60s. The things I learned! I was about 24.

The thing I remember most was their enthusiastic assurances that sex after menopause was the best because your kids are likely grown and you don't have to worry about pregnancy.

fingers said...

I don't just think about her.
I think about her and her best friend, her and her sister, her and Jennifer Hawkins...

Randal Graves said...

You're all going to burn in hell for such hedonism. Wait, wrong website.

Cat said...

Amen to Bill!