Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Drink, Drank, Drunk

My husband is an alcoholic. He gets drunk almost every day, starting in the early afternoon. He's a sweetheart in the morning and an asshole (mean and argumentative) in the afternoon and evening. It is driving me crazy. Literally. Twice in the past few months I have been on the verge of suicide. Fortunately, I was able to pull myself out of the pit before actually hurting myself

I don't want to commit suicide, because I know from experience how horribly hurtful it is to the people who love you. My mother took pills to do the deed and, five years later to the day, my father blew his brains out. My sisters and I barely survived the trauma of our father's death. The guilt was so horrible, in both cases. If only we had been more attentive...if only I'd written more often, or called every weekend... or this...or that...or the other. I will not, as long as I have one shred of sanity left, ever do that to my children.
So...what do I do? Keep hoping he'll get sober? That's what I've been doing for 19 years and it hasn't happened yet. Leave him? Why should I have to leave my pleasant little home and live in some grungy apartment, when I'm not the one who's at fault (at least I don't think so)? Kick him out? No, no, no! I could never do that, because I do love him and don't ever want to hurt him. I know, I know...I sound like half the women at an Al-Anon meeting

I am considering a different plan. A couple days ago, we went out to eat. I almost never drink alcohol, but I was feeling "uptight" and the menu featured a cocktail called "Ruby Relaxer." I ordered it and enjoyed it thoroughly! It was delicious and I got relaxed as all get-out! Hubby was a bit apprehensive, as he does not like for me to get "smashed." On the other hand, he doesn't like it when I'm "nervous" either, so it turned out fine, and we had a pleasant dinner. So...last night I drank some wine when I was visiting some friends, and enjoyed the relaxation it afforded. (Hubby was not with me, since he goes to bed at 8:oo every night.)
So...what do you think? If you can't fight 'em, join 'em?? Give him a taste of his own medicine? Fight fire with fire? ______________________________ (Insert your own cliche here)

Hmmm...I'm getting thirsty...

9 comments:

Bill Stankus said...

Well, it's a plan, not one with necessarily good consequences, but is one that has been done before.

I've watched several relatives do exactly what you are suggesting. In all cases the woman was the one who ultimately suffered the most.

Seems some type of tough love is in order. He's got to do the changing - not you. That's a better plan and you must understand standing still or contributing to his addiction is not a solution.

Montgomery Maxton said...

oh honey... :(

Connor said...

As hard as whatever decision you come to may be, in the end, you need to do whats best for you. I hope things get better.

fingers said...

Stop making excuses for your husband, Z.
He's a selfish asshole...

Bill Stankus said...

i miss your blogging ... you've had some fun stuff, thoughtful things and lots of POV. And I've been meaning to ask, didn't have another style and content that was totally dropped? Could you explain what happened? thankyouverymuch!

Ms Smack said...

Fingers summed it pretty well. I'd definitely tell him, demand some form of addiction counselling, or yes, leave him. Life's too short to waste.

Creepy said...

Got to agree with Fingers and Smack. You only live once and deserve better than living like that.

Ms Smack said...

hey mate,

what's happening?

You okay over there?

xx

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