Help For the Malcontent...Whiners Anonymous of America

Hi. My name is Zelda, and I'm a whiner.
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Welcome, Zelda! What do you whine about?

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Oh, jeez. Don't get me started...

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Our motto here at W.A.A. is "Change what you can, accept what you can't, and shut up about the rest."

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Yeah, that sounds great. But I just can't accept that Life Isn't Fair!

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Zelda, we all felt that way at one time. But we help each other realize that no one important actually ever said that life is fair. Once you get over that hurdle, you stop expecting fairness, or even looking for it! If you find yourself yearning for justice, just call one of us. We'll talk you through it. Just remember, "fair" is a four-letter word.

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But it's so hard! I've been whining for years. It gets worse, the older I get. In fact, getting old is one of the major reasons for my whining. Why can't I be young and pretty? Look at my hands, all wrinkled and ugly. My face is sagging, my tits are drooping, and my arches are falling. My skin was smooth once, at least I think so, but it's been so long, I don't remember for sure. And that's another thing! My memory is shot. LIFE ISN'T FAIR! The wrinkled part is so much longer than the smooth part!

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It is, if you're lucky! If you die young, there's no wrinkley part, but the whole part is too short. Just remember, no matter how bad things are, they could be a lot worse.

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Thank you, guys. I feel a lot better now.

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That's what we're here for, Zelda. I know it's tough. I haven't whined for three years now, but I think about it every day. At our last meeting we had a new member who kept using the f-word so much that I could feel myself longing for fairness, and the whine was almost to my lips, when Joe, here, saw it coming and slapped me hard. Thank you, Joe.

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Wow! You guys are an inspiration. From now on, whenever I feel myself wanting to ask, "Why does life suck?" I'll just give myself a hard slap and say, "Whine not!"

I stare forlornly at the blank page. It dares me to write something on it; it mocks me, whispering..."You have nothing to say, Bitch! Just give it up and go to bed. You know that's what you want to do, so leave me alone in my pristine whiteness. Don't sully my surface with your silly scratchings."

"Hey!" I declare defiantly, "Who do think you are, telling me what to do?"

I attack the page with my sharp pen, scratching out "i's" crossing "t's" and scrawling "f - u's."

Unfortunately, no actual words come out of the assault, but I'm sure kicking that blank page's butt!

When All Else Fails, HAIKU!

It's a sunny day

But I'm all gray and cloudy

and soon, tears may fall

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No, I'm just kidding

I'm actally quite cheerful

Some say - "Bi-polar"

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My mind is calm now

Writing haiku is pleasant

Except when it's not

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Why do I do it?

I should be writing stories!

But I'm too lazy

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No, that's not the word

Not lazy, just idea-less

I must try harder

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I will try harder

But...that sounds like lots of work

And I'm so lazy

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Yes, really lazy

You've no idea how lazy

Lazy like a fox!

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Fooled you, didn't I?

You think I won't write one thing

But you're mistaken

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My brain is stirring

I'm getting an idea now

And another one

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But first, I must rest

Getting ideas is hard work

and I'm exhausted