Monday, July 26, 2010

Although I usually appear docile, with a slight build and a soft voice, I have a violent temper. Small provacations can result in me bellowing obscenities at the offender. If the offender is not adequately chastened, and continues to annoy me, he is almost certain to regret his actions.
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For example, this afternoon, as I attempted to park my car in front of my psychiatrist's office, another driver decided that my parking space belonged to him. As I backed in, he nosed forward. We were locked in an unpleasant, metallic embrace. I rolled down my window and shouted at him, "Get out of here, you fucking moron! I was here first!"
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He, however, did not relent. On the contrary, he dared to yell back at me, "You are mistaken, madam. This is my space."
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I felt my blood pressure rising. "I'm counting to three, asshole. Back out now, or you'll be sorry."
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I don't know if it was the tone of my voice, or the 357 Magnum I pointed at him, but he backed down and out, and I backed up and in.
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I feel calm again now, so don't be afraid. Unless, of course, you are planning to annoy me in some way.

13 comments:

Bukowski's Basement said...

Love it ... especially the part about having a magnum and going to the psychiatrist's office. Chuckle.

Gorilla Bananas said...

You remind me of a female gorilla. That's very sexy.

Randal Graves said...

Heh heh heh.

Lisa said...

Ha! And he was so fucking wrong! One backs into a parallel space. The spot belonged to you.

Madam Z said...

B.B., psychiatrists have to be shown who's boss!

G.B., I AM a female gorilla! A very sexy female gorilla.

R.G., Is that French for ha ha ha?

Lisa, you can ride shotgun for me next time I take a trip.

Harry said...

You can take the Madam out of California but you just can't take the California out of the Madam.

Harry said...

Oh yeah, I liked, "an unpleasant, metallic embrace" :)

Will said...

What's yer load - hollow points, soft points, dum dums, semi-jacketed, armor piercing or something more exotic?

fingers said...

Are you sure a Pennsylvanian shrink is capable of dealing with your battery of problems ??
I think maybe you need to think about going to Vienna...

kyknoord said...

This a situation is where it's also an advantage to drive an old junker. They know you aren't bluffing.

Lad Litter said...

Beware the fury of a patient man, goes the saying. Proably apt in your case. And not such a bad thing. You've got to draw the line somewhere.

Breezmister said...

One of life's lessons....

Never mess with a Tall Redhead with a big purse, ya never know what she will be caring in the handbag besides her makeup ;)

carlos de la parra said...

It was quite a commanding lesson in respect,some people don't seem to understand verbally,but a 357 is an excellent convincer.