Sunday, September 18, 2011

Forget About It!

A great deal of my days are spent looking for things that I know I just had in my hand two minutes ago. Other times, I find an item in a very inappropriate place, e.g. the car keys in the freezer.  I get panicky then, thinking that Alzheimer's disease is just around the corner.  But then, if I can REMEMBER to do it, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I have ALWAYS been absent-minded.  Here are some (but definitely not ALL) of the STOOPID things I have done in the past. Especially with my purse and with my car keys.

When I was 16, I left my purse on the bumper of my dad’s pickup, when we were preparing to drive to town. By some miracle, it was still there when we got to our destination, 7 miles away.

When I was 30, I left my purse on the table of a restaurant, as we were traveling from L.A. to Salt Lake City. By some miracle, it had been rescued by the waitress, and she mailed it to me.

When I was 40 something, I left my purse on the ground of Musser Park, while I climbed a tree sculpture. By some miracle, it was still there when I remembered it on my way home, and went screaming back to the park.

When I was 50 something, I left my purse on the roof of my car. No miracles occurred.
I no longer carry a purse.  If what I'm carrying does not fit into my hip pocket, I don't need it.


When I was 40 something, I left my car keys in the lock of the car door and went waltzing away to the Pizza Place to have dinner with some friends. Because the car was old and unattractive, the keys were still there when I returned.

On several occasions in the past few years, I have left the house key (on a key chain with my CAR keys) in the lock of the front door of my house, not discovering it until the next day.


I left a bag of groceries on the car roof and drove away.

I left a tray of cookies on the car roof and drove away.
I left a suitcase on the car roof and drove away.

 Back when I lived on my ex’s and my “farm,” I had gone into town for the once-a-month grocery shopping trip. It was my habit to bring the many bags of groceries into the kitchen, set them on the floor, then put put them away, one at a time. There was always one bag containing several packages of meat, which were to be placed in our freezer. On this particular occasion, the phone rang just as I was almost done. Only the bag containing the meat was still on the floor. I forgot about it. It was still on the floor when we went to bed. The next day, we discovered that our dog had treated himself to a carnivore’s frenzy. There were bloody wrappers all over the floor. He had eaten about three pounds of hamburger and several steaks. He was so full, that when he got to the pot roast, all he could do was sink his teeth into it over and over, but he couldn’t swallow any of it. When I cooked it, it was extra tender!
I have improved, in some ways.  I no longer set anything on the car roof.  As I mentioned, I no longer carry a purse.  I work very hard to remember not to release the house key from my hand after I unlock the door.  But darn it!  Why the heck did I go into the kitchen just now?  I stood there, blankly staring into space, gave up and came back here to finish whatever it is I'm doing with the keyboard of this contraption on my desk. 


Bill said...

If you rode a unicycle there would be no setting bags on the roof. And, isn't shopping something the servants are supposed to do?

Gorilla Bananas said...

It's the hallmark of an artist, Madam Z. Your creative mind is constantly wandering.

Harry said...

Just keep remembering to write it down for us!

Madam Z said...

Thank you for your suggestion, Bill. A unicycle could be the answer to my problems. My hands would be free to carry the bags, so I wouldn't have to set them down!

Madam Z said...

Mr. Bananas, thank you so much for your flattering explanation!

Madam Z said...

Harry, that's a big order. Maybe my servants can do it.

Jodi MacArthur said...

Haha! We could truly be sisters, Madame Z! The worst for me is leaving the keys in the car door or house, then searching high and lo for where I put them, then DUH! in the car door. The absolute worst is when I've thrown my car keys away in public trash cans along with whatever else was in my hands. After I'd gotten back to my vehicle, I realize what I'd must have done, go back and have to go fishing. I've also thrown away most of my dinner forks, and regularly put the remote control in the freezer, but there's a good medical explanation for those two, thank goodness.

Funny story about the tenderized roast and the dogs!

Christine Elliott said...


I have been trying to contact you in regards to a piece you wrote on another blog,
My client would like to publish it in an upcoming ebook. Could you please contact me so I can send you the details. thank you

Anonymous said...

HAHA "Z", I was told years ago...if you know your forgetful you don't have Alzheimers. The beauty of Alzheimers is you don't know it and you make new friends every day. I love your sense of humor.


DukTape said...

I loved this. I once left a milkshake on the roof of my car. That was kind of a mess. Another time, my daughter found my glasses in the refrigerator. Another time it wasn't my fault that a bad thing happened with the keys. I left them in the ignition while I was taking my daughter to the airport, and one of the dogs jumped on the door lock and locked it.