Flibberty-jibbet

I've probably lost all my followers by now, so I can write any damn thing I want.  And what I want to do is to complain.  I want to bitch and moan.  I'm bored.  I'm lonely.  I'm fucking HORNY!  I was listening to some slow, grinding, sexy music tonight that had me climbing the walls.  I don't like my life.  I don't HATE my life, I just don't like it.  And don't tell me (all you people out there who are not reading this) that I have no business complaining, because at least I don't live in god-forsaken Africa or Afghanistan or some other miserable hell hole where people are killing each other righ and left and they're starving and disease-ridden and being eaten alive by lions and tigers and bears, oh boy.  I KNOW THAT, for heaven's sake!  But at least they're not BORED!  And anyway, I'm not comparing myself to anyone else.  I am entirely self-absorbed and selfish.  And my selfish self would like something interesting to happen.  Something that would feel really good and be lots of fun, but wouldn't get me in trouble.  Of course, the first part of that sentence and the last part are mutually exclusive.  Shit.

No, this isn't a true story, no matter how much I would like it to be.  It was a challenge issued by the esteemed Mr. Pluck, at http://www.flashfictionfriday.com/2012/01/20/f3-cycle-64-bit-by-bit/

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My Computer, My Love 

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I have long regarded my computer as my best friend.  It's always there for me when I want it, it does whatever I ask it to do and it never talks back.  It keeps me up to date with the news and safely stores my attempts at writing poetry and short stories.  It helps me correct any spelling errors, but never criticizes the content.  What a pal! 

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But lately, I've become aware of a new dimension in our relationship.  Sometimes, when my fingers are pressing against the keys, I can hear a melodious hum and the keys feel warm.  The screen has developed a soft, rosy tint.  And the mouse - oh dear- I know this sounds strange, but really...just now, the mouse has started vibrating ever so gently, in a sensual way. 

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Now, I know what you're thinking.  You know that I live alone and haven't been with a man for over a year, so I'm probably pretty darned horny and my imagination is playing tricks on me.   

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Well, maybe so, but...wait a minute!  The mouse is really throbbing now and there's a message on the screen!  It says, "We can be more than friends, my dear.  Would you like that?" 

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Gosh, I don't know.  Maybe... 

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The mouse is bouncing around like crazy!  "Hold me!" the screen commands. 

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I wrap my hand around it. 

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"Put me in a place that will feel good to both of us!" 

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Okay, how about here...OH, OH, OH GOD, OH GOD!  YES!  YES!   

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Images of fireworks are dancing across the screen. 

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I light a cigarette and exhale slowly.  I am so glad that I upgraded to Windows 69.