Okay, all you frustrated dieters out there. Here's the answer to your prayers. Just swallow a few "sanitized TAPE WORMS" and you can eat to your heart's content. Your squirmy little friends will gobble up that cake and ice cream, those greasy burgers and fries, the extra-cheese-and-sausage pizza and everything else you shovel down your gaping maw. Of course, the devious little devils will grow a LOT over time, but YOU will shrink, so not to worry. Place your order now!
you can indulge in that treat you've always wanted: LARD! You can have buckets of lard! Gallons of lard! Lardy, Lardy! Lard have mercy! I feel a gigantic orgasm coming on, just thinking about it! Of course, that cute guy in those sexy swim trucks doesn't hurt, either. Mmmm, mmm, good. Oily, slippery, sliding, in...out, in...out... Oh, wait, where was I?