Friday, March 21, 2008

Leaving Home
The sumptious Miss Smack wrote recently about her incredibly courageous flight from her parents' home, with only the clothes on her back, at the tender age of 18.
Her story made me think of my own flight to freedom, at the much more advanced age of 40. Oh sure, I had left my parents' home at 18, but it was to get married.




I was then subjected, for the next 22 years, to the total domination of my egotistic, misogynistic, selfish, uncompromising husband. I felt that I had no value except as a sex receptor, maidservant, and mother to his two children. Nothing I wanted mattered in the least to him, if it conflicted in any way with what he wanted. I gained one or two vertebrae in my backbone in the later years, when I rebelled in order to go back to college and get my degree, and one other time when I took the kids to a big, once in a lifetime family reunion and was gone for two weeks. I could write a goddamn BOOK about how the kids and I were made to suffer for our little escapade, but I won't do it here. But I was determined to stay with him until the kids were on their own and I could support myself.

Then...I found Pan-man and lost my mind.
I snuck around for almost a year, meeting the lust-god whenever and however I could, crazy with wanting him. I tried not to get caught, because I wasn't ready financially to be on my own, yet. Eventually, my luck ran out and I was caught with my pants down. Fortunately, the kids had already left home, so my sordid affair didn't affect anyone but my husband and me. Husband kicked me out, with only "the clothes on my back" (hey, Smackie) and what I could throw into a suitcase. I stayed with my best friend for two weeks (she told me that I had to leave when the two weeks were up) and then in a boarding house for another month until I could find a place to rent. In the meantime, my father commited suicide and Pan-man dumped me.







Okay, this is getting really depressing, so I'll talk later about my newfound liberation and the experience of being on my own for the first time in my life.

9 comments:

Ms Smack said...

Hey mate. It's damn hard to rehash this stuff. Make sure you're in a good strong place before you do so.

I adore you, yanno?

xx

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Holy heck woman, don't leave us hanging. WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

Distributorcap said...

wow

i cannot wait for part 2

Catherine said...

Wow - when the changes happened - it all happened at the same time! I welcome the next piece of this - hope you are well- cat

Randal Graves said...

Ouch. I've got nothing else to say that wouldn't end up sounding stupid.

fingers said...

It sure is unnerving when a blogger starts peeling their onion in public.
I'm with Smack on this one; make sure you're ready to deal with the mud before you fire the dredger up, Z...

Madam Z said...

ms smack: I "rehash this stuff" with annoying regularity. I'm going to get rid of it now, by dispersing it into the internet ether. You are a dear, and I'm so glad to have you as a virtual friend. :)

dr. mvm: Your wish is my command. See today's post. and tomorrow's...

dcap: It's up...

Cat: I am well, and I hope you are too!

randal: I've never read anything that you have written that sounded stupid. But it's best to play it safe. :)

fingers: Yeah, you're right. Peeling the onion can make your eyes water.

Thanks to all of you. Now...I'm strapping on my protective gear and wading into the muddy waters.

Mathman6293 said...

Thanks for sharing. I know that Dcup and I have a rough road to travel but we are not intent upon hurting each other.

Ms Smack said...

The internet is a safe place to spew, I reckon, as long as you're aware who's reading, aware of retaliations and what not.

If you ever want to share something NOT on your website, email me a HUGE LONG DIATRIBE and click send, ok?

Sometimes, it just needs to be OUT, but not publicly aired. It's always your choice and I shall respect you either road you take!