Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Wishy-Washy

When you wish upon a star
It won't get you very far.
So give it up already!
Oh no! I can't! Wishing comes naturally to me. It's the only thing I do effortlessly, without having to force myself. I am tireless, creative and ambitious in my wishing. I can do it while I'm washing dishes (I wish I had a dishwasher, preferably a handsome muscley, naked male dishwasher), driving to the market (I wish my groceries would be delivered straight to my kitchen, preferably by a handsome, muscley naked man), working out at the gym (I wish I still belonged to that gym which was frequented by muscley, partially naked men), hiking in the woods (I wish I would come upon Pan, leaning back against a tree, playing his pipes), and while dreaming (I wish I could have sexy dreams without feeling guilty).
Oh yes! I will! It's a waste of time. It's a distraction from constructive thoughts and actions. Wishing will NOT make it so. Not even if you get the big piece of the wishbone,



not even if you blow out all the candles on your birthday cake in one breath,
not even if you promise god you'll be good foreverafter, if he just grants
that one wish, not even if you find a magic lamp and rub it just right.


Your wishes will not be fulfilled unless you take that genie by the horns and make it happen all by yourself.


So...how will I do it? Let's take one wish at a time.
1. I wish I were pretty.
Get plastic surgery!
2. I wish I were rich.
Redefine "rich."
3. I wish there were peace on earth.
Hm. Next!
4. I wish someone would dust all my shelves full of bric-a-brac.
Grab a goddamn dustcloth and get busy!!!
5. I wish I could get some of my short stories published.
Good grief! Pull one of those "writers' market" books off the bookshelf, find an address, type a goddamn cover letter, enclose your goddamn story, address an envelope, apply a stamp and stick it in the mailbox! Sheesh!
6. I wish I weren't afraid of failure.
Pretend you're afraid of success, instead.
7. I wish I could stop wishing.
I give up. You're hopeless.



8 comments:

Liquid said...

Keep on wishin'!

:)

Harry said...

Madam Z,
Wish in one hand and submit manuscripts to various publishers with the other...This one is really reaching but I just sent something off to them (as well as three others) today anyway.
The link is to a story I liked but you can go from there to "writers info" to find where to submit. Good luck! H

http://www.kenyonreview.org/kro/vrooman.php

DCup said...

That's awesome that you submitted something! I'm confident that you'll get some yeses.

Queen said...

1st time on ur blog!

Yea, there are wishers and there are doers. Wishers wish they were doin what doers do. Just do it! sheesh!

-Queen

DivaJood said...

//5. I wish I could get some of my short stories published.
Good grief! Pull one of those "writers' market" books off the bookshelf, find an address, type a goddamn cover letter, enclose your goddamn story, address an envelope, apply a stamp and stick it in the mailbox! Sheesh!//

(Smacking self in forehead) So THAT's how it happens.

Spartacus said...

Saw this on the Intertubes somewhere:

If wishes were horses,
Beggars would ride;
If wishes were fishes,
We'd all have some fried.

One Man’s Opinion said...

Cute, post. I almost lied and said that I don't make wishes, but that is an out and out lie. I wish and I wish and I wish. I wish for the things that I don't have control over. I guess that is the problem. Like I wish that I wasn't so nice, and that everyone should be nice to each other. It is such a childish, unrealist way to be, but I it is who I be.

Bill Stankus said...

After listening to President Bush last night I wish I had a rocketship and a Michelin Guide to the Universe.