Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Taxation Without Precipitation

Mark Twain said, "Everybody talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it." Well, that was then and this is now. I have a suggestion for our clueless government: Tax the weather!
There could be different rates and different measures for different kinds of weather. Pleasant, sunny days should be taxed at the highest rate, since people would be in a better mood on those days, and less apt to complain. Extremely hot, humid days would have a lower rate per hour, but we could make up for the reduced income to the state by taxing sweat. Granted, it may be difficult to accurately measure the individual taxpayer's sweat, but I'm sure our brilliant legislators could come up with a method.
Taxing rain should be easy. The government could install computerized rain gauges on every taxpayer's property, which would not only measure the number of inches in the gauge, but automatically compute the amount of rain falling on the entire property. The per-unit charge would be higher after a drought and lower after generalized flooding.
Snow taxation presents more of a challenge, since most people over the age of 10 tend to think of snow as a curse, not a benefit. Of course, the same could be said of many people's attitude toward government, but we must remind ourselves that, without taxation, we would not have a government, and vice-versa. So, to ensure that the government will survive the winter, we must impose a tax on the snow we receive. Very light snows may be taxed by the snowflake. Heavier snows could be taxed by the foot, with a special surcharge imposed after the depth reaches the roof of your car.
I urge all concerned citizens to write their representatives with these suggestions. If the weather tax is successful, perhaps we could find a way to measure and tax the air we breathe and the tears we shed!


Gorilla Bananas said...

Tax the air you breathe? Would you get a rebate if someone farts in your face?

Harry said...

If you figure out the breath tax we'll be on easy street just from all the hot air in Washington. Funny and insightful post Zelda, with a killer ending!

Jodi MacArthur said...

Love is like heat or the wind, yuo cant see it, but you can feel it. If so, can the gov tax love? If so, they'd collect alotta $$ off you alone. <3

Madam Z said...

GB: No rebate, but you may get a reduced rate.

Harry: Unfortunately, the legislators will probably place a premium on their own expulsions.

Jodi: Shhhh...don't let the gummint hear you mention taxing love! You and I both would be flat broke in no time!

Bukowski's Basement said...

I can get down with some snow tax, Z... Great and inventive post!