Friday, July 27, 2007

In case you guys don't know it, let me tell you that one of women's favorite subjects of discussion is the performance of their lovers. Once upon a time, long ago and far away, my sister, Sophie, and I were chatting about our favorite subject, and she told me that she and her husband had tried something new and delicious. She had just peeled a banana and was about to take a bite, when he sidled up to her and suggested a better use for that banana. Sophie thought that sounded like a good idea and laid back and got comfortable. Sam slid that banana into her vagina and then preceded to eat it...slowly. Sophie said that she came like a freight train before the fruit was half gone.

That sounded pretty interesting to me, so next time the boyfriend-du-jour stopped by my place I told him about it. He had us both out of our clothes before I could mention that I had no bananas on hand. The only fruit in my kitchen was a bunch of grapes. Hey, no problem! All I will say is, it was a lot easier putting them in, than it was getting them out. The train was derailed and we never tried that again.

Darn! I just remembered that I had been planning to talk about sweaty sex. Maybe next time.


Miss Smack said...

Hilarious post. Write MORE!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Ah, Miss Smack, we meet again. This time in celebration of Z's game.

I'm with you MS on this post. Very funny. The goofy shit with the right person is better than the movie-star sex withe wrong one. Nice story. Mucha risa!

And for the sake of good orders and honesty: (1) MS: "disculpame" means "forgive me." (2) Made a terrible cultural faux pas,getting up in miss smack's grill over her dick-size post.

It happens to the best. It happens to the rest.

Take it e-Z...see you on the Rialto, Miss Smack."

KELSO'S NUTS said...


In answer to your question elsewhere the country 1/3 of whose residents self-identify as atheist is my adopted homeland, La Republica De Panama.

If it's of any interest to you I went on ad nauseum on miss smack's blog trying to explain how cross-cultural confusions can obtain in the blogosphere.

You may find it tedious or interesting. It's not for me to say.

Looking forward to your next post. And what's cool about what I've seen here so far, is that I don't have the faintest idea whether it will be funny/sexy like the last one. Or bone chilling like your meditation on life and death in your lsat April post.

Keep me guessing!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Z, sista:

Remember what I said about the good and the bad of the blogosphere. If you do check out my meandering cultural thoughts, you will see a rather unpleasant flame I got in return -- not from Miss Smack the proprietress; she's ultra-sweet and polite, but from some dude -- and it's a nice thing you speak Spanish because you'll be able to take a walk on the wrong side of the tracks if you read my response.

Luckily, this crap happens only from time to time. Usually, everybody's cool.

Have a super fun weekend.

Your blog brother,


Madam Z said...

Hey K, I left a comment on your site. It's fun swapping thoughts with you.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Been getting some nice buzz over my meditations on my Jewishness and my life and the wretched repulicans etc.

this is a good site

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Kelso's on a monster jones for the "Z" surprise, too.

*Will it be way erotic?
*Will it be funny?
*Will it be erotic and funny?
*Will it be political?
*Will it be philosophical?
*Will it ask the ultimatre questions?
*Will it answer the ultimte questions?
*Visitor coming over but both bananas have gone to brown...dare I try grapes?
*Wait, I don't have grapes...will orange or grapefruit slices work?

Too much suspense.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. Truly.

You give me an idea of how to work through all these cucumbers that are proliferating in the garden.....

D said...

Amazing how nature has managed to accomadate us with fruits and veggies that are just the right shape.

Madam Z said...

Wait, dcup and d...I don't think cucumbers and zucchinis would work, seeing as how the pleasure induced was in the retrieving and eating of the banana. Your guy would have to have impressive chompers to get through that cuke before you both got tired of the whole deal.

Kelso, thank you for turning me on to "politits!" It's great!

Anonymous said...

Madame Z - good point. Perhaps I should pick some of the cukes when they're small like little sweet gerkin style. Then I guess I run the risk of the grape problem you had.

Better run out for more bananas!

FranIAm said...

Well what fruit would happen to be sitting here in the basket on the table as I type...

Good Morning honey... I gotta go and wake my husband up. He won't mind once I tell him why.