Thursday, January 03, 2008


I have been inspired by "Pissed off Patricia" to make some predictions for the fledgling year, 2008.


Okay, I have dug my genuine, Madam Z crystal ball out of the ash heap and dusted it off with the tattered hem of my genuine, Madam Z gypsy skirt. It is sitting on my dusty old desk, right next to the computer. I am stroking it with one hand, while I type with the other.


Something is coming into focus...it looks like a calendar...AH-HA! I predict that February will have 29 days! Now...some kind of almanac? Yes! I predict it will be cold in Canada for most of those 29 days. Okay, now some simian-like features are forming...here it is...I predict that GWB will say something REALLY STUPID practically every single day in 2008 and every day after that, as long as he lives.


What?? You knew that already? What are you, Kreskin or somethin'? Well, what about this?


1. Next year at this time, we all will be another year older and many of us will be deeper in debt.


2. China's athletes will outshine all other competitors in the 2008 Olympics, because they have developed a tolerance for their heavily polluted air.


3. Home prices in the U.S. will continue to fall, until they reach the point that people can AFFORD TO BUY THEM with the wages they earn, WHICH DID NOT INCREASE AT THE SAME CRAZY RATE that housing prices increased!


4. Someone will discover that flatulence is primarily responsible for global warming.


5. Bloggers and other comedians will finally tire of making fun of GWB. Oh wait...that's a little fuzzy...maybe that'll happen in 2010.


6. A Chinese cargo ship carrying lead-covered toys to the U.S. will sink, because of the extra weight.


7. "Illegal immigrants" currently working their butts off in the fields and factories of the U.S. will get tired of being persecuted and say "Fuck you!" and go back home, leaving Americans wondering how the hell the work's going to get done now.


8. As American armed forces become more stressed and stretched, there will be talk in Bushville about renewing the draft.


Okay, this is too depressing. The crystal ball just went black.




6 comments:

electro-kevin said...

This sounds so much like Britain only a year behind the US.

In fact I'll simply follow your recent history and look like a prophet.

Happy New Year.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I'm going to hire ytou as my Astrologer in chief when I get elected President.

Madam Z said...

Kevin, I'm sure you're glad the UK is lagging behind the US in these areas.

Dr. Monkey, you've got my vote!

Dr. Zaius said...

I kind of doubt that GWB will say something REALLY STUPID every single day in 2008 and every day after that, as long as he lives.

I am sure that there will be days when he won't talk much. He might even get laryngitis!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Next year at this time, we all will be another year older and many of us will be deeper in debt."

But we will dig sixteen tons of coal up, in the process?

"Someone will discover that flatulence is primarily responsible for global warming."

Then the top thirty people in my company should be banished from the planet, as they produce the same amount of methane in five minutes, as four chili cookoffs do in one day.

Writeprocrastinator said...

BTW, you are sooo much more accurate than Sylvia Browne and Miss Cleo.