Friday, January 09, 2009

This is a story I wrote with Harry B. Sanderson's help for Six Sentences. Sentences #1, #3 and #6 are based on a seminal event in little Miss Z's childhood. Harry filled in the blanks.


Ten-year-old Miss Z was in her bible study class, listening to glowering Mr. Wingnut exhorting her and the other children to obey god's ten commandments or risk burning in hell, and she was pretty scared and wanted to be sure she didn't break any of those rules, but then, omigod, she realized that she didn't know what commandment number six meant, so how could she know whether or not she was doing it?
Her fifth grade class had already studied prefixes and suffixes, but try as she may she could not figure how adding "ery" could change the otherwise familiar word “adult” into something sinful. or for that matter how she could be guilty of anything beyond childery, whatever that was, anyway. So she raised her hand, waving frantically, until Mr. Wingnut stopped exhorting long enough to say, "What IS it, Miss Z," and Miss Z blurted out her question, "What does adultery mean?"
The frank question triggered deeply embedded left-wing alerts and Wingnut stumbled, stammering, "Tax and, uh...liberal media...oh wait REDISTRIBUTE! that's what... oh geez…” Adept at exhortery, he'd suffered a failure in strategery by allowing the question.
Miss Z was puzzled by her teacher's obvious discomfort, but she was relieved, because she was from a poor family that had nothing to distribute, much less redistribute, so she was pretty sure she would not be committing adultery, at least not until she was an adult and maybe have some money of her own.


Bill Stankus said...

If it wasn't for the right wing and religious wing nuts, who knows how great we might be?

Everyone might be relaxed. There would be no wars. Sex wouldn't be dirty. Poetry would flow. Drugs would be a non starter. Love wouldn't have an opposite. Innocence would last as long as one likes. Greed would be a word no one knows. Maybe everyone would have a university education.

Shall I go on?

Great blog, Z.

Captain Smack said...

I've never committed adultery (or adulthood, for that matter), although I have redistributed a few things from time to time. I hope God goes easy on me.

Madam Z said...

Bill: Sigh. It sounds like heathen heaven to me.

Captain: The gods of the Internet will go easy on you only if you continue to post on your highly entertaining blog.

Connor said...

Sounds like Catholic school in the 70'

DJ Berndt said...

Hi Madame Z. My name is DJ Berndt. I also reside in Lancaster. Let's be friends.

E-mail me at

Tell me where in Lancaster you live, or something.

fingers said...

You just found a way to outsource half the work on your blog...

Cunning_Linguist said...

will there be less punishment if I continue to practice adolescence and teen angst?